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How To Fail

Pitfalls to improving your health are really pretty obvious if we look around at modern society. When you consider the common mentality toward weight loss and fitness it is surprising that we are not in worse shape. The following paragraphs will sound silly but ask yourself if there are not a lot of people that think (or approach making changes) this way. I brought out my sarcastic keyboard to illustrate bad thinking in contrast to what I have found has worked for me. 

WARNING: EVERYTHING WRITTEN BELOW  IN BLUE IS B.S.

The first thing you want to do if you want to fail is to focus on your weight! Make sure to weigh yourself several times through the day and attach your achievement to how many pounds you have lost since the last time you weighed yourself. Go ahead and attach your emotions to the little device which very accurately measures gravity's effect on your body and enjoy the elation and endure the depression of watching your weight vary. Celebrate your success by going off your plan and then quit your plan because it didn't work when you gain two pounds.

Now that your plan has failed you clearly need to get expert assistance by finding a PhD or a celebrity that can show you the way. I mean what chance do you have of figuring out what you should eat and what you should do for exercise when there are professionals out there to who have written books about the perfect, easy, fast way for you to become attractive. Go to the closest book store and look for the best selling book on what to try now. When you are selecting your book make sure that you find a book that focuses on just eating or just exercise. Also remember that when you are selecting a plan how easily all those old plans fail, so make sure to find one that is really new and really, really different.

If you hate to exercise just worry about the eating part and if you enjoy exercise just find out how to do more exercise to burn off the 6000 calories a day you are eating. Speaking of exercise you need to find the best facilities available, the more expensive the membership to the health club the more commitment to your plan you will be demonstrating (this goes for the purchase of home exercise equipment as well). Remember that distance to the health club is unimportant as long as it is the best, 45 minutes out of your way is not a problem because it will only take an hour and a half a day to travel and you have that much free time right? Remember you can deduct travel time from the actual time you spend working out because it is all for the same purpose.

It is important that you are focused on what is really important here, it is about your appearance right! If you can look good in a bathing suit the world will be your oyster! Starving yourself is a small price to pay for being the envy of the PTA. You also may want to take up smoking, cigarettes will probably decrease your appetite and take care of your retirement worries as well.

The faster you lose the weight the better, I recommend the survivor diet consisting of what you can find under the rocks in your back yard. The survivor diet combined with days full of continuous exercise, the more vigorous the better. You should barely be able to crawl into bed at night and pray that you don't wake up in the morning. You should be able to correct the consequences of one years inactivity and indulgent eating in about a day, so how ever many years you need to make up for will take about that many days to achieve your goals.

No matter how bad a shape you are in remember, you can become an underwear model in 30 days or less, just shop around and remember you get what you pay for. You may need to get a second mortgage on your house to afford your program. Even though you will be eating fewer calories they will need to be the best little calories money can buy. It really costs a lot to eat less. Don't forget to get all the diet pills, creams, and other supplements you can find, the drug store and infomercials are great sources. It is so much fun shopping your way to skinniness!

Please remember when you are suffering through the program you have selected that it will only be for a short time. Soon you will reach your goal weight and you can go back to the comfy life, eating cookies on the couch while watching TV. You can be sure that your body will forget how to store fat.

OK, I have had my fun. Just a quick return to reality, what I really suggest:

  • Measure your achievement with improvement of habits, fitness, and reduction of waist size
  • Develop your plan for you, make it sustainable, start slow and focus on small gradual improvements.
  • Focus on improvements in exercise and nutrition.
  • Get variety in your exercise and keep it convenient and sustainable.
  • Improvements in your appearance will follow improvements in your fitness, maximize your health and you will feel better and naturally be more attractive.
  • There are no miracles for sale, save your money, get to work and stay at it.
  • IF YOU DO NOT QUIT YOU WILL NOT FAIL!